As I have told the HR department of many companies that refused to hire me, we all make mistakes. The Academy Awards people are no different. It is my duty to highlight some of the fierce bitches they ignored!

Ryan Gosling in Drive

I know the Academy has an old lady hard-on for George Clooney, but onwards and upwards people.

Michael Fassbender in Shame

Fass-bend-me-over and his man sword would have looked nice on the red carpet as well.

Kirsten Dunst in Melancholia

Sometimes portraying depression means smashing plates and sometimes it means delving into the human soul. One usually gets you an Oscar nomination and the other does not.

Tilda Swinton in We Need to Talk about Kevin

I can understand not nominating Goddess Tilda. How could you ever give the award to Meryl Streep with a straight face otherwise?

Charlize Theron in Young Adult

Charlize Theron’s character in Young Adult is much like yours truly. I also drink because my facial beauty makes it very difficult to relate to others. Ignoring her is more or less systematic bullying. (For more important information)

Elisabeth Olsen in Martha Marcy May Marlene

Living with her more famous, ET like sisters may have prepared Olsen to play a member of a creepy cult, but boy does she do it well!

ZOOP Reminder: I have more taste in my left pinkie’s fingernail than you do in your family’s entire ancestral tree!